April 21, 2016

It’s hard to go back there

To remember that day

I made a choice

To take my life away

 

Sitting at that table

Outside the restaurant

You asked if I was okay

The perfect question for my mental state

 

“Not really” I said

Before I broke down

“I took a bottle of pills on the way to the house”

I saw your heart break

Through the veil of tears streaming down my face

 

I remember the sewer drain

“This bottle? You’re sure it was this bottle?”

The paramedics laughed when I said yes

Because “You know those won’t kill you, right?”

 

You called my big brother

He didn’t know what to say

Our friends showed up next

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

 

I’ll never forget the ambulance lights

Reflecting off the windows of that place

The group of people in the parking lot

Watching me as I was lead away

Advertisements

Society

Look in the mirror

Don’t like what you see

Decide to change

Become like everybody

Learn how to use

Makeup to change

What people see

Slowly becoming

More mainsteam

Day by day

Stop eating food

Need to be a size 2

Get your weight down

Your head in the clouds

Start drinking beer

Want to fit in

Can’t stop it now

Because you’re addicted

Learn how to fuck

Does it feel good?

Don’t really care

As long as someone’s there

Now you’re all broken

But at least you fit in

The world is your playground

But you no longer care

Breath

Take a minute

Take a breath

Look at your life

Are you satisfied?

 

Do you love

What you do?

Or do you do

What you must?

 

Is your life

Like a dream?

Full of happy

Beautiful things?

 

Do you feel

Like you’re worth

The time you have

Upon this earth?

 

Do you fill

The world with joy

Through your smile

And happy hugs?

 

Or do you feel

The opposite

And wish to change

The life you live?

 

Do you hate

Those who hurt you

In the past

Or by mistake?

 

Is your life

A nightmare

With sleepless nights

Full of tears?

 

Do you feel

The emptiness

Of apathy

And loneliness?

 

Do you fill

The world with pain

Through your refusal

To change your ways?

 

Is this what

Your life looks like?

Either way

It is your choice.

 

Now breathe out

And make your choice

A happy world

Or sad demise?

Alone

She sat alone

The lake rippled

As winds blew

Sending shivers

Down her back

 

Her mind refused

To sit still

As tormented thoughts

Threatened to consume

Her last hiding place

 

Her heart was breaking

Bandages not holding

She can’t find

Anything worth

Fighting for anymore

 

Her body so numb

That pain was all

She felt now

The silver blade

Her constant friend

 

The edge came closer

Day by day

As sadness killed

Her last ray

Of life-giving faith

 

She withdrew

From all she knew

And refused to admit

She was not okay

Island

There was chaos all around her

The constant motion of living beings

Alone in her own world

She felt like she lived on an island

A place unknown to the world

Very few had every ventured onto it’s shores

And no one lived there anymore

~

Her isolation grew

Because she refused to pursue

The care of people who didn’t

She would not succumb

To the overwhelming storm

The need to behave

Like sheep in a herd

She would stay by herself

On her island she would remain

~

But slowly she died

Of her own apathy

And refusal to think

“The world needs me”

Her body decayed

As her mind took it’s toll

Alone on her island

Unknown by the world

~

But she couldn’t see

Or wouldn’t believe

The walls that she built

Were all crumbling

And the people outside

Were trying to save

The girl who survived

Away from real life

Alone on her island

~

When the walls were all gone

Her kingdom exposed

A land of remorse

And should have done more

The people all asked

“Why they hadn’t seen”

And everyone said

“She was so close to me”

But it was too late for her

Her body would lay

Til the end of all days

Alone on her island